“Gusto ko ng MCDO- Yung Large Fries and Large Coke, yung pula na coke ha kasi gusto ko tumaba.” – my cravings after waking up at noon time to a sweltering Friday. FYI. Walang pasok. YEHEY!
Well, at least I know what I want at this time cause honestly, I don’t know what I want in life. Who does so anyway?
Let’s go back in time, shall we?
You were born, you crawled, you walked your first steps, you spoke your first words, you cried for toys, you argued with your siblings all the time, you studied, you aimed for high grades, you failed sometimes, you stood up then fell again then stood up again.
You played outside from 3PM (yes, i was born in the 80’s and lived my childhood in the 90’s when ‘piko’, ‘langit-lupa’ and ‘tagu-taguan’ etc. were all the rage) until you were called inside for dinner. You had your first crush, your second crush and so on, puberty kicked in (hasel this!), you listened to casette tapes and memorized lyrics of all the songs thanks to your sisters’ good taste in music and even learned to talkback to your mother.
You played that ‘mysterious girl’ role in high school, had your first kiss, felt ugly, met your first boyfriend, watched animes and OVAs until sun up, smoked and experienced the worst hangover. You got in and graduated from a ‘prestigious’ university with average grades, where you met your sorority sisters who you can relate to in all kinds of different levels, had another boyfriend while in college, then another, then made a biggest mistake in a relationship and then another, made love or had sex whichever, whereever.
You can’t wait to finish school to brave the world but the world failed you from one job to the next, or rather, you failed yourself from one job to the next by choosing all the wrong decisions and not being passionate about want you want to do for a living. Remember those zit popping, showing off the good and the bad atitude, accepting and denying heartbreaks, developed morals, and sweaty armpits in betweens. Well, ain’t that too familiar?
Let’s talk about life, shall we?
I guess, what I really want to answer is “What am I doing with my life?”. The most hunting question all adulting human beings are faced with every day, especially at tough times in your 20’s. There’s the good with all the bad – but all in all – it’s not that ridiculously bad. Why?
Cause I embraced independence at a very young age and I learned a lot about myself because of it.
Cause I am coming home to my nerdy-sexy fiancé who would move mountains for me and I for him, that’s a fact.
Got a family who’s got my back – we’re not perfect but knowing they’re just around the corner to come home to is quite comforting.
I know who to cut off from my life, who to tolerate and who to keep. Cause honestly, as much as you want to cut-off all the people who hold you down, you just simply can’t.
I know when to complain and when not to.
I know that some people find me too ugly therefore they do not want anything to do with me. It’s actually a good thing cause I don’t need to pretend to like them back.
I know whom to give respect to and who doesn’t deserve one.
I travel – and I will travel this country and the world.
My work sucks most of the time but I am sucking it up and dealing with it.
I am taking care of cats and cats are the best living thing ever created on earth. All felines for that case.
I am getting married soon, will start a family and if God permits, will bring to this world a very happy and loved child who will eventually also someday ask – what am i doing with (my) life?
So to answer the question? I honestly don’t have it all figured out, and I guess I never will. Life is one hell of a fucking amazing ride so I’m just going with it with gratitude in my heart and a smile on my face. No plans, no aim. Just living it. Cause after all, life is not about questions – it’s about living – one step at a time.
Mcdo delivery is here guys, so allow me to stuff myself with carbs + sugar we call junk food. Cause hey, life is about living right? eating dirty is still one my favorite guilty pleasure.
Sending you cat hugs from across the web. Till next time!